Band: Skewered (Ireland) Album: Skewered (2011) Genre: (Brutal) Death Metal It’s a good day for those with a liking for stuff that’s brutal, grinding and bloody, because, dear boys and girls, it’s time for some mutilating Death Metal straight out of Ireland. The 2004-formed band hails straight out of Dublin and does things the loud way. With Skewered, the album they released in October, they stick their first flag into the soil of planet Brainfuckery-by-Riffs-and-Gutturals.

So yeah, that’s currently tearing my eardrums to shreds. Much like a dagger stuck in my ear. But that doesn’t mean it’s bad. In fact, it doesn’t mean shit. It’s just a figure of fuckin’ speech. Let me try to give you an overview of what Skewered is, what it does and give you some grip to help you determine whether or not this is for you. In short: it’s review time, kiddos!

Skewered contains thirteen tracks, totalling almost 33 minutes, and mostly carrying the typical blood-drenched and women-unfriendly Brutal Death Metal titles, though perhaps of shorter stature. Exempli gratia: Rectal Prolapse, Wretched Cum Slut, Bound and Gutted, Razor Speculum, etc., etc. Plenty of images of bleeding privates and shit. At least it’s a welcome change after all the jingly holiday crap. Oh by the way, the best song title on the record is Bad Aids. I love that. Implying that there’s a Good Aids too. Like you see him walking around the streets sometimes, being bullied for the shit his family’s done. But he’s not such a bad kid, you know!

The above mentioned Bound and Gutted I found streaming on YT and hence I’ve included that for your listening enjoyment. It’s one of the longer songs on the record, and features plenty of quick paced riffs, deep gutturals and a good load of pleasing drum filling.

Found that Wretched Cum Slut track as well. And I’m including that too, for just one simple reason. The absolutely hilarious intro! That shit’s got me cracking up every single time: ”Yap, I’ve got a thick club of pulsing grissle. I’m pushing it into your soft warm gob. You’re talking dirty past the shaft. And I’m coming so hard, the spunk’s flying out of your eyes.”.

But, to take it to a more serious level, in a world in which (Brutal) Death Metal outfits are battling to be the most shocking, the most mocking, the most disrespectful of women, the bloodiest in terms of imagery, the dirtiest in terms of explaining how to rape an anus and the foulest in describing how subject A should be sliced into inch-thick tranches and eaten by subject B, Skewered are getting nowhere near the ”top”. Well, thank Mother Teresa for that! Such bands bore the living shit out of me.

And despite that Skewered are actually more like uniformed school boys compared to some of their peers, they still bore me in terms of image and topic. I may just be a total fuckwhit, but if I’m not mistaking the times of Metal being a shock doctor is long gone. But thankfully Skewered do a bit of music too. Not all of it is fuckin’ amazing and none of it will totally blow people away, but on the other hand, much of it is actually quite pleasant if you like it a bit rough. Not too rough, just a bit.

Skewered (the album, not the guys – at least I’m liberally assuming not) is very bangable and will contain a good overall groove. The songs are kept relatively short, none of them exceeding slightly more than three minutes, and that’s a good thing, because I’ve got a sneaky suspicion it might have gotten a bit boring here and there had they been longer. Right now they’ve kept it short and tight – like a virgin’s asshole, which is imagery that matching their own – and powerful. Cut short: Skewered’s debut is a simple but decent piece of work, offering some good ol’ riffing. Chugging, brutal, grooving. Who wouldn’t say amen to that?!

Oh, before I forget, go check out the full album stream on the band’s official BandCamp page. Happy new year motherfuckers!

My Grade: 7.0/10
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Tags: brutal, death, Irish

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